~qoo5135

Human nature sucks.

Why is it that we always feel a sense of entitlement toward something that is not ours?
I know its wrong, I know I don't have the right to feel that way, and yet I do. And it bugs the hell out of me.

Though I was never a planner, I've always had a clear idea of where my life is headed towards. Since Mr Huntington and chemistry, I have decided to drop my career choice of becoming a teacher (which I have decided on since kindergarten)and change it to pharmacy (although I am not good at chemistry, but its interest that matters, right?). Once that was decided, I then went on and looked for the various pharmacy schools and colleges that might suit my needs. I've considered many schools such as UCLA, USC, and Oregon. But after hours of research and serious consideration, I knew which choice was right for me. And I was proud of it. I guess in this process of researching, I feel like this "plan" I have is mine, and no one else can taint it or steal it away from me. Because after all, I created it.

But still, this does not validate the feelings i am having. My mind is screaming at me to snap out of it, and it is not in my place to object or interfere in any way. But in my heart it just sucks. It feels as if my dream is stolen and that if I had not shared the knowledges I have acquired, my plan would still be my plan.

Fuck, when will this inner-struggle stop? I want to be sensible, i want to do the right thing, but its just so fucking hard...